I always consider myself as an introvert. It’s because I love the thing called me-time so much. I rarely go outside just to have fun with friends or something. I prefer sitting in front of my computer, browsing the internet for stuffs and talking via Discord to my gaming friends. However, on special circumstances, I will go outside willingly anyway. When I’m outside, I’m not a talk-active person, but at the same time I can be a talk-active person. This causes me to consider myself as an extrovert as well. But, what is my personality when playing a game?
I participated in 1v1 DotA 2 tournament which was held by Siaranku Gaming from March 20th to 29th. Since I am a mid player for my team, I came to the tournament with confidence. I didn’t know what would I face during the tournament.
From the first game, I felt something different than my usual games. I never felt something like that before. In my tournament games, in my party stack games, or even in my solo ranked games. I felt nervous. My heart was beating so fast. My body felt cold. Since I turned off the communication of my Discord (mute + deafen), I felt like I only had myself. I had no one to talk to during the game. I performed badly, tilting left and right. I was lucky that I was topping the group (which secured top 3). I got one week to compose myself and think how to handle the pressure and nervousness.
One week had passed and I played the first mage of the final phase. I didn’t find the solution to the pressure and nervousness. I played bad. If I could rate myself, I’d rate myself playing at 3000 MMR during those games. At the end of the day, I got 3rd place which was uhh, pretty good and bad at the same time. But apart from the prize I got, I learned something which is more valuable than the prize itself.
I must be more grateful that I have friends to play ranked party with. I must even be more grateful of my teammates in solo ranked games, although sometimes I might need to hit the mute button if the level of toxicity is beyond measure. Most importantly, I must be more grateful than ever that I have a competitive team to play with. Because with those things, I am actually never “alone” in a game.
I actually feel that I am an extrovert when playing a game. I’m sure of this because I felt uncomfortable when playing 1v1 match, even when I was winning. I feel more comfortable when playing with friends and solo ranked (yes, solo ranked). But still, last event was no excuse that I still need to improve my skill in any circumstances.